Health & Medical Self-Improvement

The Success-Effect Mystery Unveiled

Success is an arbitrary word which means something different to each person.
Regardless of the meaning we place on success, it is something that we are all familiar with in varying degrees.
Throughout our life, we've experienced incremental successes along the way.
As children we may have made the honor roll or done well on a sports team.
As we got older, success continued but likely shifted to social arenas.
Your first date or first kiss may have been a success and when you passed your driver's license exam.
Then, as we approached early adulthood, success meant something different...
college acceptance, college grades, new boyfriend or girlfriend, a car, a job, a new position, etc.
Have you noticed that some of your successes generate negative emotions from your closest friends? This is the "success-effect"! At the same time, some of your biggest successes seem to generate none of these emotions; no success-effect at all.
Why is this? Understanding what the Success Effect is and why it shows up at some points in your life yet not at others can influence your life.
You might be able to handle it effectively when it comes up in a way that brings your friends and loved ones closer to you rather than pushing them away.
And this is after all, what true success is all about.
Your success is like a shining light, but not always the way you would think.
When you succeed, friends that have not had the same success as you may compare themselves to you, and see their own failures more clearly.
They either acknowledge that which is painful OR they react negatively towards you as a self-defense mechanism.
So why is it that the Success Effect only happens sometimes and not others? Remember, earlier we said success is arbitrary and each of us has our own definition of success.
What this means, as it relates to the Success Effect, is that our friends and loved ones evaluate what we consider to be "success" by their own definitions.
What we consider to be a huge success may not be to our friends because it doesn't meet their definition of success.
In these cases, we generally don't see the Success Effect.
However, regardless of the value we place on an achievement, if a friend evaluates this as a level of success they have not attained, they ask themselves a question subconsciously.
"Am I moving forward to this or higher levels of success?" If their answer is "YES" then they may be supportive of your success.
However, if they answer "NO" to that question...
enter the Success Effect.
For you to use this to your advantage in creating closer relationships, you must understand this and act accordingly.
They don't wish you failure.
They are simply avoiding being positive about your success because that would mean they have to face their own deficiencies.
Have empathy towards this fear and assist your friends and loved ones to grow.
It is in this way that the Success Effect can serve you in being outward-focused.
So far we have been viewing this from the perspective of your successes and your friends.
Let's cut the crap, you are guilty of this at times too, aren't you? We sure were...
actually, quite frequently in our past.
It has become much less often for us now but these emotions still show up from time to time.
In fact, you are probably much further along than we were when we learned this concept.
We are all guilty of this at times if we are honest with ourselves.
One of the 6 Human Needs is significance and since our brain processes all data through the concept of "relativity" we assign significance, or insignificance, by relating our experiences to those around us.
Let's talk about empowerment! The simplest and most certain way of never being "run" by this emotional response again is by becoming aware of where it comes from and why.
It isn't that you are jealous of someone you care about.
It isn't that you don't want them to have their successes.
Of course not, you love them and care about them.
You are comparing their haves with your have-not's.
Here's how you can handle it: 1.
Be aware of your jealous or envious feeling.
2.
Recognize the truth; there is abundance in all things.
There is no lack or limitation that can permanently and forever hold you back form anything you truly desire.
3.
Think of three ways you have significance right now in your life.
How does that make you feel? 4.
Send the successful person love even if only in your mind.
Create clear mental thoughts about how and why you are truly happy for them.
Understand that you can have the same success or greater so there is no need to do anything but send them love for their success.
Perform these steps and you will begin at once to feel at ease.
Your tension will release.
You'll be overcome with peace and calm.
You are now free to enjoy the love you have for your friend and support them in their journey.
By, Michael Bloxton, President & CEO, oneMYnd, LLC.


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